History of the DEK!
We at the FPLTRM have sifted through enormous amounts of information. Capturing compromising and revealing images, directly contacting Plutonian leaders, analyzing the physical structures of our “dog”, collecting data from suppressed government and private reports, and listening to first-hand witness accounts of encounters with these alien dogs are all part of our search for the ultimate truth. And believe us, it doesn’t stop there. Nonetheless, using this information, separating apart fact from fiction, truth from lies, and dog poop from alien robot dog poop, we have formulated a rather extensive theory on the history of these creatures. We can’t possibly divulge all of our theory in this brief section nor can we absolutely prove each detail. In fact, we can’t even ensure the cops we’ll keep out of the liquor cabinet before driving. But most assuredly, we will tell it as we see it and will give you as much info as we possibly could… The Abongo Species Throughout much of recorded history, the planet of Pluto was dominated by the species Abongus Superiorterum (Abongo). The Abongos, according to several drawings uncovered after the fall of Nazi Germany, resembled a hybrid of human and canine. The drawings seem to imply that that Abongos could walk on two legs as well as four, possibly evolutionary brought upon for predatory advantage. Adding to this their supreme capacity of knowledge seemingly unmatched in all of our collected data by any our life form, it is no wonder the species is leading the way in advanced technology and inter-planetary communication (which is nearly always covered up by our government). After several wars between conflicting nations on Pluto throughout much of the previous two centuries, one military leader commonly referred to as “LORD” (through translation) would reign over the planet. Although the immediate aftermath of the world wars are missing from records, it appears as though “LORD” came to rule over the planet in the middle part of the nineteenth century. Late into the nineteenth century, a strict social structure and order was in place. LORD ruled over the economy; he assigned the jobs, he created the businesses, he determined the resources to be used, and he decided where the resources would be used. Each individual was renamed to fit their job as well as given a numerical code based on chronological order. For example, the first renamed software designer would be named “Software Design Abongo 1.” Near the end of the nineteenth century, after a long reign over the planet, LORD began to suffer from severe tongue disease. DEK-DEK (Actor Abongo 10045), a troubled young Abongo from the province of Jakopia who struggled to deal with LORD’s oppressive regime, would see this as the perfect opportunity to grab his own power. He could no longer withstand sitting back and allowing himself to be controlled. While the exact path he took is still confusing, DEK-DEK would soon lead an army that would challenge LORD’s government. Again, the details are fuzzy and without much substance, but we do that with time, DEK-DEK expanded his Jakopian empire while several of LORD’s top men turned their back on the leader to side with the DEK-DEK army. After LORD’s death (by tongue disease), DEK-DEK would seize all the remaining land, officially naming Pluto after his home province, JAKOPIA (Jay-cope-e-ah). This would be the beginning of the DEK-DEK Era that would eventually bring us the highly advanced robot that we thought was just a dog. DEK-DEK Contacts Earth After the military uprising and defeat of LORD’s communist government, DEK-DEK would quickly create a monarchy despite having no wife or children. After initially deciding to keep the occupation/number renamings, the first project the new king would embark on was to get his penis enlarged. Immediately afterward, though, King DEK-DEK would collect financing for a mission to Earth. DEK-DEK was always interested in astronomy as a child and watched on a device similar to a television as the Plutonians landed on Mars. That wasn’t good enough for DEK-DEK, though. He wanted to push toward Earth. Several years and cold showers later, (documents read June 13, 1914), he would get his wish. While on Earth, the three Abongos would be of greatest stealth. While the stealth did work overnight, they totally forgot to bring food with them on their mission. According to one of our contacts from Pluto, if our translation is correct, the Abongos did attack (and eat) a member of a European kingdom just a day into their trip. The Abongos were not heard of long after that event and the cameras on board the spacecraft were destroyed in a military conflict. Due to his lack of compassion, DEK-DEK didn’t see this as a failure and pushed to get another mission to Earth to find out more. After a few failed attempts, one of which incinerated 20 Astronaut Abongos as they shot well past the Earth straight into the Sun, DEK-DEK decided to do the job on his own. He reopened his toolboxes and garages and warehouses worth of tools to come up with a scheme that would forever leave his mark on Earth. DEK-DEK’s private work would go on to spawn many recreations and updates that would ultimately give us our precious “dog.” DEKA!!! Is Born…I Mean Created It must be said before we go any further that DEK-DEK was no wonderful, altruistic king. He was vicious when it came to protecting his own interests at the greatest detriment to his people. In funding his personal project (to go to Earth), DEK-DEK brought about massive inflation, adding hundreds of billions of dollars to the money supply. Jakopians on Pluto suffered tremendously. When the Jakopians spoke up, DEK-DEK would order a tortuous death penalty upon them. Despite all of his evil traits, which I have only barely began to express, the majority of them would forgive the king when he announced he had contacted a leader on Earth who would welcome them to their planet. After 19 years of depression, somehow this announcement brought everyone back to the ecstasy they felt early in DEK-DEK’s reign. A year later, DEK-DEK officially presented the public with the device that would leave its mark on Earth. He would name it after himself, adding an “A” for the leader he had contacted on Earth and adding 3 exclamation points (translated) for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The DEKA!!! was born. One year later, in 1935, DEK-DEK sent off 5 of his DEKA!!!’s to Earth. These DEKA!!!’s, according to simplistic drawings also discovered in post-Nazi Germany, were made up of what appears to be a Steel tubing (possibly Jakoneel, an extremely flexible memory-metal we know very little about). The mechanics appear to be rather rudimentary, although far advanced in comparison to human works of the same time. Just as the DEKA!!!’s of today, the models looked similar to dogs and were apparently able to stand on two feet. The exception was that the skin and fur were, rather ignorantly, not included. There was a camera and an automatic gun located in the eyes and the underbelly respectively. The most unbelievable aspect of the robotic machine was what, according to the drawings, appeared to be a synthetic brain. From the brain ran an array of wires leading to various moving part. We still can’t understand how the mechanism really works. And so, the DEKA!!!’s landed in Germany in 1940, as noted in suppressed Nazi documentation. “Earth friend Adolf” read the imprint on the DEKA!!!’s metal tail. The DEKA!!!’s were sent to do various small tasks early. Hitler didn’t see a real use for them. When Hitler presented the DEKA!!!’s to Heinrich Himmler, the head of the SS, Himmler insisted he could use them to their advantage. Hitler and Himmler then devised a plan to attack a US military base using the DEKA!!!’s. The attack was fully planned, the Nazis ready to strike with a human troops alongside the DEKA!!!’s the night of December 7, 1941. For reasons totally unknown, the Nazis decided to hold back with their plan. In apparent frustration, “Earth friend Adolf” ordered the DEKA!!!’s to be destroyed, going on to physically whip Himmler and one of his Japanese correspondents. The DEKA!!!, though, was not dead… DEKA!!! Lives On DEK-DEK would become infuriated with “Good Friend Adolf” after his destruction of his give precious DEKA!!!s. The two would resolve their issues over the years as DEK-DEK became focused on an ailment that had grown on him, literally. A large malignant tumor had slowly formed on his stomachs (Abongos have three). In a desperate race to continue his bloodline and more importantly to him, his monarchical rule, DEK-DEK would piece together multiple updated versions of his DEKA!!! Within a month, a DEKA!!! 2 and 3 would be created. Neither were up to his standards. There was no giving up at this point. His body was crumbling. Using the most advanced technology available to him, DEK-DEK once again impoverished his people to create DEKA!!! 4 with the aid of DEKA!!! 2 and 3. DEK-DEK, clearly losing his mind, declared the masterpiece his wife, officially naming her “DAK-DAK.” Jakopians were dumbfounded as to why his wife would need two submachine guns on either side of the “anus” or the laser gun in the mouth. DEK-DEK would not stop there, though. On his death bed, DEK-DEK mapped out his final work…the DEKA!!! 5, to be the hier to his throne. On June 25, 1950, DEK-DEK lost his battle with cancer. With Jakopia about to self-destruct, DEK-DEK’s “wife”, DAK DAK (the DEKA!!! 4), worked at an incredible pace to finish the new robotic King. Just a couple weeks later, on July 12th, DAK-DAK summond the attention of the public as she officially crowned DEKA!!! 5 the new King, officially pronouncing him “King DEK-DEK II.” After accidentally blowing up his “mother”, DEKA!!! 4, the new King would rule passively for the next decade, allowing the economy (and the planet as a whole) to recover from the severe pains put upon it by massive taxation and hyperinflation. Jakopia was to be renewed. I mean, for Christ’s sake, their King is a goddamn robot! They need some time! DEKA!!!: The Next Generation Late into the 1960′s, Jakopia was back on track. The new King DEK-DEK II, the first non-Abongo (and first ROBOT!) on the throne. On July 20, 1969, DEK-DEK II formally announced to the public, after much speculation, that the DEKA!!! program was to be renewed. A major opposing force, mostly made up of the elders that had seen the hyperinflation that was caused by the earlier DEKA!!! program, began to form. DEK-DEK II immediately suppressed this force by having his cake and eating it too. It was quite a spectacle. 10 pounds of cake going through a robotic creature and actually being dumped out in the form of poop…all of it. Adding to that, he announced the delegation of much of the part manufacturing to private businesses. The DEKA!!!’s would then be sold to the general public. The Abongos, seemingly unaware that this would actually still cost them money as a whole if they were to purchase them. Silly Abongos. Nonetheless, DEK-DEK II had won back over his people. After several years of research and development, DEKA!!! 1000 was released on December 21, 1975. These machines, unlike the previous DEKA!!! 5 (which DEK-DEK II was), received a full synthetic skin and fur in a much smaller frame. Machine guns were mounted on either side of the anus, a heat-seeking torpedo in the underbelly, a laser gun planted in the throat, Plutonian internet connection, an externally available telephone, and several other features were implemented. Again, though, the Plutonians created something that absolutely blew our minds when we came upon the info. The DEKA!!! 1000 had no brain, which was shocking enough, but instead had what all we can contend was a miniature nuclear reactor. We would later find that this reactor is what is called a “nucleus.” This nucleus does not simply create energy, but also intelligently thinks, digests food, moves body parts, and creates a varying array of substances. People would be weary of the reliability and safety of the DEKA!!!’s. After an initial recall, they were are a hard sell. Time would lift the Jakopians’ worries, leading to a great demand for the DEKA!!! 1000. As the demand increased, DEK-DEK II would develop updates for the machine, each adding 100 (or 50) to the original arbitrary 1000 (i.e. 1100). This was the beginning of the next generation of DEKA!!!, a consumer-driven retail generation. Modern DEKA!!! The mid-80′s saw the demise of the DEKA!!! 1000. Consumers were still very much happy with the updates, but becoming bored. DEK-DEK II saw this as the perfect time to design a second consumer iteration of the DEKA!!! Out of this came the DEKA!!! 2000, a completely reworked machine that centered even more “features” within the mysterious nucleus. The machine grew just a few inches in every dimension. The synthetic skin was tougher, yet more flexible, and the fur became remarkably realistic. Never allowing the DEKA!!! to rest on its laurels, DEK-DEK II implemented the most magnificent feature…a miniature nuclear bomb. It would be positioned in the underbelly, receiving plutonium (yes, it comes from Pluto) from the nucleus’s unfettered capabilities. Along side the bomb were now TWO torpedos, granted they were of very small size. Still chock-full of other weapons, this was one deadly machine. The Jakopians had an ever-growing trust though of their King and would openly invite the DEKA!!! 2000 into their home after its official release on January 20, 1989. Despite major bugs in the core system of the DEKA!!! 2000, people still demanded more. In 1999, DEK-DEK II would start to create his greatest accomplishment, the DEKA!!! 3000. This time the project would be open source, allowing all of the public to add to the machine and fix malfunctions. The Abongos finally had a real say in the end product. On September 11, 2001, the DEKA!!! 3000 was shipped out. Within weeks, a full line of customization was available in the aftermarket. The development community would grow to a rather expansive size. DEK-DEK II, knowing his parts were becoming highly degraded, decided to modify one of the DEKA!!! 3000s himself, adding features and knowledge not available anywhere else within the kingdom. In the most unforeseen announcement, DEK-DEK II told the Abongos he was stepping down. He was far behind the technology of the day (he was a DEKA!!! 5) and was no longer efficient. DEK-DEK II officially crowned his “son,” DEK-DEK III, on January 20, 2003. That same night, DEK-DEK II slipped and fell into a burning hot pot of lava. Thank god he had already crowned the next king…poor bastard. DEK-DEK III currently rules over the empire of Jakopia on Pluto. There is now more activity than ever before occurring in the realm of DEKA!!! DEK-DEK III is fully dedicated to making the DEKA!!! a household product around the universe, especially on the Earth that was entirely ignored during the reign of his “father.”